Monday, December 9, 2013

A million great nights

Recently someone asked me what the best night of my life was.  I couldn't answer.  I still can't answer.  It has been days since I was asked this question and it's been on my mind since.  I'm 30 something years old [I just don't want to write the whole number at this moment!] and I can't think of my best NIGHT ever!??? Leading me to think, [I know everything leads me to think] have I had my best night ever?  I have been married [ok a few times], and I have been divorced [ok a few times]  given birth, had some great relationships, partied like a rock star [ok sometimes I still do], lived away from my family, overcome numerous obstacles, purchased homes [ok a few times] [curse I am starting to see a pattern here...] point is what the curse is my best night ever? What is wrong with me that I can't name it?

Here comes the list that has been running through my mind:

As a mom I am suppose to say the best days of my life were the days I had each one of my children.  NOTHING and I mean NOTHING in this world could compare to feeling of your newly born child in your arms.  But [always a but...] the day you give birth really isn't so great.  It HURTS!  You have strangers looking at you, you are [hopefully] given something to "help with pain", your body is in another world, your mind is in a place I can't describe.  Once the little one has arrived it is AMAZING! But, it also really's uncomfortable...I wanted to be home and my life had just changed in ways I couldn't have even imagined. And did I say that it HURTS!!! As a mom it's easy to answer that the best day/night of my life was when each one of my children were born.

As a mom I can also name numerous events which qualify as "best days", for example, my sons graduation from high school,  the first Christmas the kids can recognize presents and the joy of Santa, the first time my youngest son saw the Castle in Disney and he cried. Their first steps.  The first time you hear them say "I love you" or "momma".  Having a teenager, and now a young adult, it's so rewarding to see my son looking after his younger brother and growing independent. There are a million things I can think of that made my day "the best" with both of my kids.

As an adult I can name various triumphs in my life, my first 1/2 marathon, getting my master's degree, being offered jobs that I really wanted, overcoming some sort of obstacle and feeling as if I conquered the world.

 In relationships there are always great nights... first phone calls, first dates, that first date that really makes that person "click" in your mind,  the first time you hear the words "I love you" from a person you love also, first kisses [if they aren't awkward], the first time you hold hands.  Then as a relationship progresses there are those moments of comfort, and the first time you feel comfortable is also a great feeling.

As a friend I can name a million GREAT nights.  I actually had some recently with my favorite girls. 

I suppose I can't name one specific night because I have been blessed.  I have a million great nights.  As far as the best one, my answer is a question.  This week?  [ again with my optimism...sorry don't curse me]. Sometimes I am not optimistic, just ask my coworkers or my friends.  But I try....

Thursday, November 28, 2013


 Since my last post many things have changed in my life.  Once again I have found myself as the sole provider for my children, the queen of the castle "you can call me queen bee" [ that is a quote from Royals, yes I quoted Lorde. I love the song].  I have to admit this is not only the scariest thing in my life but also the most rewarding.  And for some reason it seems as if this is the path for me.  And so, I accept it. 

I find it amazing how one moment life is moving along, even boring at times, and the next.... one thing,  one event can change it.  It's probably the most exciting and terrifying idea ever.  Here is what I have discovered.  Fear should NEVER hold you back from anything no matter what the outcome is if you are smart you will learn from moving through it.  Everything truly happens for a reason.  Sometimes the worst things in life turn out to be the best! And optimism truly can help you get through anything. 

I haven't really had an opportunity to thank my family or friends for helping me through a really rough patch, because I normally spend most of my days on "one speed...GO" [that is a quote from Charlie Sheen. Yes, I did quote him].  So, here it goes...Mom, thank you for your love and support.  Your strength and your lessons in life, your attitude about being a woman and a strong woman at that.  Thank you for always being there even in a moments notice.  Thank you for being everything a mom should be.  Thank you to my friends, for listening, for making me laugh, for being there no matter when or what I need.  Thank you Shannon and Kelly for helping me through one of the worst days of my life and for making me laugh during that time.  Sandy and Mark thank you for spending an entire weekend listening to me cry, complain, worry and pace your house for hours.  Mark is a great guy for dealing with it and an awesome brother in law.  And Cody, my Prince.  Thank you for gathering your friends and moving once again.  You are growing into an amazing young man and I know you will always have a heart even with your stone cold expressions. 

Since Thanksgiving last year I have gained a greater sense of the value of my family and the support they will always provide to me, I have gained a greater sense of the power of friendship and how amazing the girls in my life are. I saw that through all of the chaos and schedules and busy life events in my life I have managed to teach my sons the value of caring, support and respect.

I am also very grateful for the new people who have entered my life.  I have made some great friendships this year and I have also met some people with wisdom and experiences that I haven't had and so I am learning from them.  I am thrilled to experience new things and I am grateful that I get to do this.  

So, no matter what life presents, no matter what path I find myself on I am grateful.  Live, learn and most of all be happy.  We only get one round and I choose to make the best of it.  I was going to quote Miley here, but I won't.  Maybe quoting Charlie and Miley in the same posting is too much??  I will twerk my way into the kitchen to prepare my Turkey instead.  Happy Thanksgiving. 

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Welcome to the Jungle

Sometimes (mostly when I am running) I enjoy some different music, and yes that includes "Welcome to the Jungle". There is something about Axl's voice when I really need to pump things up.  Then there are those days when the sound of that voice sends direct pains into my brain and I cringe at the sound.  Why the [curse] am I talking about Axl Rose?  Well, yesterday marked my first full month in my new position at my job.  And take this as you want, but when I was walking down the school hall way against a crowd of about 100+ children and about to open an office door where I had just instilled a million changes amongst my staff that song popped into my mind.  And in that moment I also flashed back to when I worked in a bar/restaurant many moons ago and before opening the doors to open for the night, the owner would say "It's Showtime".  Just that one phrase would either make me smile or cringe depending on the day.  My next thought
" should I open the door and say either of these?" I opted for my safe zone and said "Good Morning"....

All of this has made me think about how much one song, phrase, or even word could change based upon someones own mood.  Here is another example,  I will say to my oldest son, " Where are you going?"  and most of the time he answers, yet there are times he will elude to the fact that he is 18 and can go where he wants to go!  [so, he doesn't exactly elude, he usually says "I am 18 and will go where I want"] That usually ends up with an argument and he is forced to answer. [anyway...]

Now think about how you may approach your family members, for myself, I know some days my family will approach me with a "can I have?" question, which is really code for "will you do/get/make" something for me?  Some days, it's welcomed, others I want to explode and point out how many things I have already done for this life sucking family!  [oops, I may have gone too far there] 

My point here, be kind.  Weather you are having a "Feeling Groovy" [Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel just have the kindest voices] kind of day or "The Beautiful People" [Marilyn Manson is definitely a scary dude] day, there is something to be said about kindness.

 "It's Show Time" regardless of your feelings for the day, just be kind, it is a jungle out there!