Friday, February 17, 2012

That THING!!!!

 In honor of  Valentines Day [yeah I am late posting this, I know it's the 17th not the 14th of Feb. traditionally I do things either late or backwards] I decided to write a bit about Love.  [Yes, I am actually going to attempt to address this topic.]  While it took a very long time [and with a few bumps along the way] I discovered the thing that was missing from my life. This thing was what had held me back, it had a hold on me and I didn't even realize it.  This thing was not only self-destructive but it was dangerous.  Looking back I can't imagine life that way! This thing was a lack of something, and it wasn't until I crossed the stage to accept my graduate degree diploma from Marywood University that I realized I had been missing something.  With all of the people that I love the most gathered to see me accept this degree, I heard my name called and there I was in a crowded arena, accepting a piece of paper that cost an ungodly amount of money, and numerous late nights and every Saturday for three years of my life away from my children.  I sat in this crowded arena, I listened to the people speak, I watched people cry with joy I looked into the arena I saw both my mother and father [not often that I see that], and I realized something, I realized that I was really amazing [I am totally not bragging here I will explain].

 I married at 18, I dropped out of college [3x's, oops], I had my oldest son at 18,  I worked a million horrible jobs, I married and divorced and I was a single mom at a young age, I attempted to provide for my oldest son who lived through all of this with me.  I realized at that moment that I beat the odds.  I did it!  I also fell madly and deeply in love with myself.  I had a crazy amount of admiration for myself, and I started to cry.  I walked onto the stage and took that piece of paper, but it was so much more than just a piece of paper.  It was an acceptance of love for myself.  It was the thing.  The thing I never knew I had inside myself.  The thing that held me back because it wasn't there.  I discovered true love. 

It has given me the courage to accept true love in others and give back true love to all of those important people in my life. Being resilient, strong and courageous, accepting, nurturing, and truly loving who I am as a person is the greatest gift I received that day. Discovering true love for myself has given me the courage to accomplish many things I never saw possible. I ran my first ½ marathon that same month and when I held my best friends hand and crossed the finish line with tears in my eyes it symbolized a crossroads in my life.  I completed two things that I never EVER thought were possible.

So in this season of love, I am asking that you look at yourself.  Decide who YOU want to be.  Decide how YOU want to live.  Decide how YOU will gain that admiration and joy for yourself.  Look to yourself for wholeness and completeness.  Look to yourself to give you the compliments you deserve.  Take care of yourself in order to take care of those you love.  Look back into your life and pull out your achievements [they are there even if they are small--they are there], and think how you obtained them, it will give you the best gift you can receive! 

Love, it sure is a crazy thing!  And sometimes it can be the THING that drives you to accomplish or fail, make you do crazy things or wonderfully crazy things.  It is the thing that we can't live without! It is the thing that as parents we give unconditionally and receive unconditionally from our children.  It is the thing that we look for each day in our partners.  It is the thing that some of us never take the time to give to ourselves.  Give it to others, openly accept it from others, but don't forget to give it and accept it from yourself. 


Thursday, February 9, 2012

Out with the Old!

Yeah for me! Yesterday I received a beautiful new Dooney for Valentines Day.  I LOVE IT! He did a wonderful job picking it out.  I love purses and my favorite brand is Dooney and Bourke.  They hold up over wear and tear like nothing else and they really last forever. The styles change but they are classic and really don't look outdated. [to me anyway]

With a new purse or a change in purse comes the worst part of receiving a beautiful gift like this.  [no it's not the expected big THANK YOU...Girls you know what I mean.  And it's not the dreaded overly excited "WOW --I COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT THIS GIFT" thank you. OR the Fake "THANK YOU I LOVE IT" because I really do love it and I am thankful! And Surprised].  It is cleaning out the old purse and switching the items.

I am horrible at organizing my things.  Maybe because I have to organize so much for work, maybe because I have self-diagnosed ADHD and I can't stand the tediousness of sitting and viewing the items and I end up throwing away everything [even makeup sometimes just to save myself the loathsome task of going through it].  FITTOBETIED is an understatement when I am going through my things and trying to organize.  So, to put a healthy and happy outlook on this process I began to think about the positives. 

Positives of being organized in my purse:  Here it is --no more shuffling around.  No more digging.  No more dirty tissues.  No more gum wrappers.  No more gum wrappers filled with chewed gum from my 8 year old.  Gone are 6 ink pens, 3 that did not work, down to 1 that does work.  No more loose change.  Gone is the empty motrine bottle that I have had for about 3 years and has followed me around in each purse since.  Gone is the overstuffed wallet that had way too many business cards and expired health insurance cards and receipts.  Gone is the empty check book that I had for months.  Gone is the overstuffed makeup bag filled with old shades of lip gloss that I would never be caught dead wearing [hopefully they wouldn't put an out dated shade on me when I couldn't stop them from doing so, I hope my BFF and fashion guru Shannon would prevent that if I died].  And GONE is the CLUTTER!!! Oh WHAT A FEELING!!! FREEDOM! FREE AT LAST!

Cleaning out the junk, moving forward with a clean slate.  What a great concept, isn't it?  What if it were that easy with everything?  I mean how great would it be to write down or say some of the junk in our minds and get rid of it.  Guess what [this is a little secret] it is.  It is that easy.  I have done this myself and it works.  The hard part is finding the motivation to do it, and shifting through the right junk to throw away. 

I guess my point here is that I have looked in my previous purse a thousand times and thought about how I need to clean it.  I have even set time aside to do it and didn't.  It wasn't until this new beauty came along that I didn't even take a minute to think about switching and cleaning.  MOTIVATION...Find what motivates you and use it.  Use it to clean out your junk, take those first few minutes to exercise, clean your house, give your dog a bath [sorry I was making a to do list. oops. back to general terms...] I guess you see my point [I hope you do anyway].  We all have it in us we just need to figure it out and how to use it. 

So off I go into the world today, free of clutter, new purse in hand [proud as a peacock too]. And what a should try it!