Saturday, November 26, 2011

Giving Thanks

I am thankful for many things. I can sit here and list a million thanks. I am not going to start there. What I am going to do first is list what I am not thankful for.

- I am not thankful for the insanity I witnessed at WalMart on Thanksgiving night at 10:00PM. WHAT the [curse] were the people who run that store thinking? If you say a sale begins at 10:00 PM do not open the store early and allow people to get "tickets" and camp out until the sales times. Yes, there were people literally laying in aisles with pillows etc...Here is another point - why weren't they home enjoying Thanksgiving with their families? People said they were sitting at that store from 5:00. Ok, I was there, but it was 10:00!!! NOT 5:00! So I am not Thankful that the retail industry has ruined a Thanksgiving tradition of shopping for my mom, my sister and I at 4:00AM on Black Friday.

- I am not thankful for the feathers I found still on my turkey before I cooked it.[ I couldn't eat it].
- I am not thankful for not being able to have a glass of wine after a long day of cleaning and cooking and eating because I had to drive to WalMart only to find the horrible mess of insane shoppers.
- I am not thankful that people have not learned it is not polite to expel bodily gas in public, especially in an over crowded store where you are waiting in lines shoulder to shoulder, back to front.
- I am not thankful to see that somewhere the spirit of Thanksgiving was lost in a world of retail insanity. 
- I am not thankful that I found it necessary to participate in this mess [NEVER AGAIN].

My lesson here: I discovered that the best part of my day was looking down my table and seeing all of my nieces and nephew, my mom and step-father, my sister and brother-in-law, my brother, my boys, my fiance`s children and him. We gathered for one meal, we ate together, we laughed, we enjoyed each other. My sister and her family drove 4 hours to do this [that's love]. I learned that the best part of the holiday isn't how much you spend on the meal, the preparation, the time you eat, or even what you eat. It is being together. 37 minutes of a meal, made me the most thankful sibling, mother, fiance, daughter, friend and person in the world.

Monday, November 21, 2011

A Hairy Situation.

My best friends and I recently went to dinner for my friend's birthday [Happy Birthday Shannon]. It was a great night as always. We ate, we drank, we ate, we laughed, we drank, we laughed, we laughed [you get the point here]. If there is one thing I can count on that does not change in this world EVER is that when my girls and I are together we laugh. We always have fun together [ALWAYS have and ALWAYS will].

We were merrily enjoying our time together and our dinner, when there IT was. IT can mean a few things here- either the thing of the night that makes memories- the thing of the night that left us all laughing for the entire night - the thing of the night that left us with a personal joke for a long time to come [maybe forever] - the thing of the night that left us feeling like who better to share this moment with than each other. IT in this case is a hair. One long blonde hair [thank GOD I have Brown/Black hair]. One hair that was pulled out from my poor, poor friends mouth just after she took a bite of her food and had just exclaimed how wonderful and delicious her meal was. Just after we all exclaimed and bragged about our meals. Just after we all shared bites of our meals with each other, including hers. IT, was not only the thing that made me laugh until my stomach hurt but the thing that made another one of us ill [sorry Stacy but you did look sick over it]. Thank god my friend took IT with a grain of salt as she often does with most things in life [I love that about you Rachelle].

IT was her bee. Her bee in her drink. She did not fuss over it. She simply whipped it on the floor. [As Lori interpreted IT "she flung it like it had a dead weight on the end of it"]. She didn't even want tell our waiter. We all laughed wildly at this one hair, we laughed so much the waiter looked at us like we had 10 boobs each [admiring yet confused]. One of us did tell him [Thanks Dionna, at least he knew he weren't an anomaly and the Babe got a free drink].

IT could have been handled in several unpleasant ways. But IT was not. A joke, a good memory and esp. a great laugh. My point here... [I am getting to it] we all have learned specific ways to handle different events in life. Her way seems to work and I like that. I admire that. I on the other hand do not always deal with every event this way. So IT has taught me a lesson, laugh at what can be laughed at. Enjoy the humor in it. Worry? What a useless emotion. IT will remind me of that when I worry about getting everything done. IT will remind me to take a moment and re-examine the whole picture. IT will remind me to look at the positive. [sometimes, But I am going to make this a real effort].

I am sorry she experienced this, however, I am glad I was with her. [wishing I had a glass of wine to raise here] Here is to good friends, good memories, good laughs, and looking at our own IT's in a different way. Life is so funny, isn't it?

Thursday, November 17, 2011


The last time I posted I asked for comments regarding my decisions as a parent, and found myself questioning my role as a parent. Not long after I submitted my post the whole horrible news regarding the victims of the Penn State Scandal came out. I am not going to go into all of my feelings here, I can only say as a parent and an advocate for children's rights and for those who can't advocate for themselves I am sick!!! (enough said)

As I have said numerous times I live in a small town. Every Sunday there is a local newspaper printed with local news, current events and there are some really great articles. In this weeks edition of the Sunday Dispatch, Ed Ackerman wrote an article that I felt answered my question about my parenting style. In this article he stated some very important things that I have to share. He qouted Thomas Hardy in the book Jude the Obscure (I have never read this book but would like to based on this qoute) "The children of a time are the responsibility of all of the adults living at that time". Also, Mr. Ackerman talks about how while his daughter was growing up he would buy her girl scout cookies rather than allow her to go door to door selling them, and how different it was from when he was a child. How his wife was able to walk with her families business banking at the age of 10 or 11 free from harm, and how his parents "never shirked from their responsiblity to protect me, even and especially when it meant protecting me from myself". He also noted that his neighbors, teachers, clergy, etc..."never hesitated to reprimand me and never worried that they might be sued for doing it. But they also never hesitated to look out for me and believed it was their responsibility to do so". And finally I would like to point out that Mr. Ackerman also wrote " In the future, if civilized people look back on this time, our time, and say it was a horrible time to be a child, then they also must say it was a shameful time to be an adult".

Upon reading this article it made me think about what I had posted previously. It made me realize that maybe my last question about "what is wrong with society", is that it is us. Maybe as the adults we need to step in and set limits, ask questions, stay informed, remain open, talk. Maybe just talk. Maybe just open up and say it no matter what the consequence is. Talking to our children, their friends, their parents etc...Which leads me to another important point in my life. As a child one of my best friend's mother's came to my house and asked me to go for a walk. On this walk she talked to me. She gave me advise and she cared enough to take the time to do this. (at the time I was a resentful brat who thought I knew enough about the world to make some really bad decisions...oops sorry about that) My point here, was she did reach out and as an adult I appreciate it. I have had the opportunity recently to tell her this. And I am grateful that she was there.

So thank you Mr. Ackerman. You answered my question. I am not crazy, I care. And I will continue to do so for my son's and their friends and any other children I may come across, regardless of the opinions they may draw and regardless of their reactions. Because for those of you who knew me way back when, if this stubborn, hard-headed girl could grow to an adult who looks back and appreciates and learns from all of the efforts of the adults around her, one could only draw the conclusion that it does make a difference.

Saturday, November 5, 2011



I am asking my readers/followers to help me out here. I am open to critique and criticism. I will not be offended by any feedback. I WANT real/honest/true responses. PLEASE...

So, here it goes. I am a mother of a teenage son. And I have been accused of being "overly concerned". Please continue reading and post comments I NEED some feed back here.

Is it really so wrong to worry about my children? As a mother I just can't help but to worry. I worry a lot. I think I do a good job of drawing the line between insane worry and real worry [well for the most part I keep the insane worry to myself. Yeah maybe worrying about them catching on fire at a camp out, or that a common cold could lead to some sort of terminal illness, or the pierced ears could lead to an infection that I won't know about which will ultimately lead to paralysis might be a bit insane. But I honestly do keep most of that to myself] My teenage son is graduating from high school, he is very independent, however, I have many issues with many things that go on with him. I really do try to keep things to myself unless I feel they can actually happen. My perception of what really can happen and what REALLY CAN happen may be distorted at times, but we live in a crazy and cruel world. However, in my defense I work in a profession where I see many of societies worst things. And if I can prevent any of them from happening to my boys I WILL...So here is a small list of things I have worried about with him this year: 1. He had a job as a flagger for a road crew, MILLIONS of worries here, but the top were a) hit by a car; b) mean people throwing things at him including lit cigarettes leading to severe impairments; c) heat stroke. [thank GOD he hated it and only lasted 5 days. End of my worries] 2. The next week he had another job on a construction site [worries begin] a) he will fall while they are pouring concrete and he won't get out; b) he will fall on a concrete spike and it will go through a major artery; c) he will love this job and decide not to go to college. 3. GIRLS...they have come and gone. He has had some broken hearts and broken some hearts, and I don't know which is worst. Also, I worry when he is happy because I am only 36, and that definitely is not old enough to be a grandmother. 4. What the [curse...] is he doing with his life???? 5. Drugs.  Alcohol. Drugs. Driving. Sex. Motivation. Drugs. [ you get the point on that one] 6. Back to the drugs, here is a quick scenario of a recent situation. He was in in school. He fell asleep. School officials and nurse had trouble waking him up. I was called. I arrived at the school in about 15 min.s which was preceded by a phone call to our family doctor at which time I put a request in for a full toxicology screening [both blood and urine, yeah that one called for almost immediate call back from doctor asking why? I am sure they think I am crazy. So maybe I don't need honest feedback here. I admit I over reacted a bit]. Brought him home, had conversations. He fell asleep. He woke up remembering nothing [Needing to know if he had taken something or if it was a medical issue. See the crazy wasn't so crazy after all]. Doctors appt. was made. Test were completed. Confirmation, he is not on drugs. However, leading to this test were non-stop conversations about telling me the truth [I do trust him, BUT, maybe just maybe he didn't tell the whole truth]. Leading to him asking how many times a person has to say something before I believe them? Leading to him torturing me with questions about crystal meth, crack, cocaine, and marijuana showing up in tests [ his little way of getting back at me. This worked. I thought he was on drugs for 2 days. I should have grounded him just for that!!!]. At any rate the test was sprung on him unannounced and he passed. [maybe a bit crazy here, but I had to know]. So, EEG 's and other tests, unexplained situation. Leading to me worrying that he will pass out one day while working or crossing a street and get severely hurt...See my anguish here?  And finally, the latest worry. Halloween. As a senior he had to dress up for school. I Love Halloween. I extended my offer to help get him a costume. He refused. I LET IT GO...I did not push him to let me help. The night before Halloween I asked if he got his costume. He tells me, yes, he is borrowing a costume from his friend. A Morph Man costume. For anyone who has not seen this costume it is basically like a "blue man" suit. One piece, spandex covering your entire body, hand, face. I looked shocked over this. His whole life he has dressed in scary awesome costumes. He even won contests in some of the costumes I have put together. So, I leave the room. I go back and explain in calm terms to him my issues here. " this is a loose - loose costume for a 17 year old boy". " No matter how you attempt to wear this costume, your [ so yeah I really said this to him, because there was no nice way around this], JUNK, will be revealed. Leading to problems. Either people will judge you on the size of your Junk if you let it hang out there. Or if you tuck, people will think you don't have anything. IT IS A LOOSE LOOSE COSTUME". I work in schools, and let's face it, kids are cruel. And that costume is an advertisement for trouble. So, his response " I AM 17 I WILL WEAR WHAT I WANT TO WEAR". I walk away. I do not continue to argue. And all this leads me to think, maybe I do worry too much. Maybe he is correct to some degree. He is 17. And maybe I am projecting responses that may not occur. So, I decide not to even ask if he wore the costume and how it went. I back off. [ I am so curious, but I won't ask. And I still hold the opinion that it's a terrible costume. Sorry if that offends anyone. I am just's terrible]

I often hear people complain about how hard it is to be a parent. AND IT IS!!! Where do you draw the line? Is there a line? He has said to me that I "overly care". Really??? Is that possible? I guess it is. However, again, in my defense. I care. I LOVE this boy. BUT, I try to draw a line. I am not quite sure what has happened in our world, where it is ok for high school student's to stay out all night, where girls and guys sleep at each other's homes (without a good reason, like prom or a holiday), where FB pages show pictures of teenage girls and boys half naked and their parents think that is ok. I am far from a traditional mom. I had my oldest son when I was young. I have worked very hard on establishing a very open, trusting, caring relationship with him. However, I can not be the person who sit's back and allows him to stay out all night, sleep with girlfriends, party like a rock star, and risk ruining his life all in the name of being a "cool" mom. Yet, I face the reality that parents out there are ok with all of this OR they turn their heads to it. I in turn look like the "crazy, overly concerned" mom. I am tired of it. In fact it makes me "Fit To Be Tied". While I strongly believe if parents instill morals and boundaries in their children they will use good judgement to an extent when no one is looking. However, let's face it. Society gives them the ok to do the opposite. Look at this season of Jersey Shore [ I feel guilty watching, but I do. And some of it is funny, but this season really bothered me, and that's all I will say right now. Maybe that will be another post].

I will always care. And sometimes I might cross the line. I have strong opinions in life and I admit sometimes autonomy and free will are set to the side but strictly in the name of love. So, my questions here are, How much is too much? How do you think parent's should balance care and concern with free will? Do you think parent's should allow all these pictures on face book of underage children with minimal clothes on? Should teenagers be allowed to sleep over boyfriends/girlfriends homes? Do teenagers have the ability to maintain boundaries and moral codes of conduct when unsupervised? What happened to our society????