I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!
I am asking my readers/followers to help me out here. I am open to critique and criticism. I will not be offended by any feedback. I WANT real/honest/true responses. PLEASE...
So, here it goes. I am a mother of a teenage son. And I have been accused of being "overly concerned". Please continue reading and post comments I NEED some feed back here.
Is it really so wrong to worry about my children? As a mother I just can't help but to worry. I worry a lot. I think I do a good job of drawing the line between insane worry and real worry [well for the most part I keep the insane worry to myself. Yeah maybe worrying about them catching on fire at a camp out, or that a common cold could lead to some sort of terminal illness, or the pierced ears could lead to an infection that I won't know about which will ultimately lead to paralysis might be a bit insane. But I honestly do keep most of that to myself] My teenage son is graduating from high school, he is very independent, however, I have many issues with many things that go on with him. I really do try to keep things to myself unless I feel they can actually happen. My perception of what really can happen and what REALLY CAN happen may be distorted at times, but we live in a crazy and cruel world. However, in my defense I work in a profession where I see many of societies worst things. And if I can prevent any of them from happening to my boys I WILL...So here is a small list of things I have worried about with him this year: 1. He had a job as a flagger for a road crew, MILLIONS of worries here, but the top were a) hit by a car; b) mean people throwing things at him including lit cigarettes leading to severe impairments; c) heat stroke. [thank GOD he hated it and only lasted 5 days. End of my worries] 2. The next week he had another job on a construction site [worries begin] a) he will fall while they are pouring concrete and he won't get out; b) he will fall on a concrete spike and it will go through a major artery; c) he will love this job and decide not to go to college. 3. GIRLS...they have come and gone. He has had some broken hearts and broken some hearts, and I don't know which is worst. Also, I worry when he is happy because I am only 36, and that definitely is not old enough to be a grandmother. 4. What the [curse...] is he doing with his life???? 5. Drugs. Alcohol. Drugs. Driving. Sex. Motivation. Drugs. [ you get the point on that one] 6. Back to the drugs, here is a quick scenario of a recent situation. He was in in school. He fell asleep. School officials and nurse had trouble waking him up. I was called. I arrived at the school in about 15 min.s which was preceded by a phone call to our family doctor at which time I put a request in for a full toxicology screening [both blood and urine, yeah that one called for almost immediate call back from doctor asking why? I am sure they think I am crazy. So maybe I don't need honest feedback here. I admit I over reacted a bit]. Brought him home, had conversations. He fell asleep. He woke up remembering nothing [Needing to know if he had taken something or if it was a medical issue. See the crazy wasn't so crazy after all]. Doctors appt. was made. Test were completed. Confirmation, he is not on drugs. However, leading to this test were non-stop conversations about telling me the truth [I do trust him, BUT, maybe just maybe he didn't tell the whole truth]. Leading to him asking how many times a person has to say something before I believe them? Leading to him torturing me with questions about crystal meth, crack, cocaine, and marijuana showing up in tests [ his little way of getting back at me. This worked. I thought he was on drugs for 2 days. I should have grounded him just for that!!!]. At any rate the test was sprung on him unannounced and he passed. [maybe a bit crazy here, but I had to know]. So, EEG 's and other tests, unexplained situation. Leading to me worrying that he will pass out one day while working or crossing a street and get severely hurt...See my anguish here? And finally, the latest worry. Halloween. As a senior he had to dress up for school. I Love Halloween. I extended my offer to help get him a costume. He refused. I LET IT GO...I did not push him to let me help. The night before Halloween I asked if he got his costume. He tells me, yes, he is borrowing a costume from his friend. A Morph Man costume. For anyone who has not seen this costume it is basically like a "blue man" suit. One piece, spandex covering your entire body, hand, face. I looked shocked over this. His whole life he has dressed in scary awesome costumes. He even won contests in some of the costumes I have put together. So, I leave the room. I go back and explain in calm terms to him my issues here. " this is a loose - loose costume for a 17 year old boy". " No matter how you attempt to wear this costume, your [ so yeah I really said this to him, because there was no nice way around this], JUNK, will be revealed. Leading to problems. Either people will judge you on the size of your Junk if you let it hang out there. Or if you tuck, people will think you don't have anything. IT IS A LOOSE LOOSE COSTUME". I work in schools, and let's face it, kids are cruel. And that costume is an advertisement for trouble. So, his response " I AM 17 I WILL WEAR WHAT I WANT TO WEAR". I walk away. I do not continue to argue. And all this leads me to think, maybe I do worry too much. Maybe he is correct to some degree. He is 17. And maybe I am projecting responses that may not occur. So, I decide not to even ask if he wore the costume and how it went. I back off. [ I am so curious, but I won't ask. And I still hold the opinion that it's a terrible costume. Sorry if that offends anyone. I am just saying....it's terrible]
I often hear people complain about how hard it is to be a parent. AND IT IS!!! Where do you draw the line? Is there a line? He has said to me that I "overly care". Really??? Is that possible? I guess it is. However, again, in my defense. I care. I LOVE this boy. BUT, I try to draw a line. I am not quite sure what has happened in our world, where it is ok for high school student's to stay out all night, where girls and guys sleep at each other's homes (without a good reason, like prom or a holiday), where FB pages show pictures of teenage girls and boys half naked and their parents think that is ok. I am far from a traditional mom. I had my oldest son when I was young. I have worked very hard on establishing a very open, trusting, caring relationship with him. However, I can not be the person who sit's back and allows him to stay out all night, sleep with girlfriends, party like a rock star, and risk ruining his life all in the name of being a "cool" mom. Yet, I face the reality that parents out there are ok with all of this OR they turn their heads to it. I in turn look like the "crazy, overly concerned" mom. I am tired of it. In fact it makes me "Fit To Be Tied". While I strongly believe if parents instill morals and boundaries in their children they will use good judgement to an extent when no one is looking. However, let's face it. Society gives them the ok to do the opposite. Look at this season of Jersey Shore [ I feel guilty watching, but I do. And some of it is funny, but this season really bothered me, and that's all I will say right now. Maybe that will be another post].
I will always care. And sometimes I might cross the line. I have strong opinions in life and I admit sometimes autonomy and free will are set to the side but strictly in the name of love. So, my questions here are, How much is too much? How do you think parent's should balance care and concern with free will? Do you think parent's should allow all these pictures on face book of underage children with minimal clothes on? Should teenagers be allowed to sleep over boyfriends/girlfriends homes? Do teenagers have the ability to maintain boundaries and moral codes of conduct when unsupervised? What happened to our society????