Friday, September 23, 2011

I have been thinking a lot lately about something that happened to me a few years ago. I have often thought about this single one incident, however, lately it seems to creep up on me daily. A few years ago, well at this point probably many years ago I was watching the Oprah Winfrey show. It was about following your dreams and paying attention to clues in life that lead us on certain paths to the achieve those dreams. [at least that is what I got out of it]. So, since I can remember I have wanted to be a writer. Due to life and changes and demands it is not always easy to sit down and write. And odds are that many of the people who actually do have time to sit and write don't ever get published [well, that's what I usually tell myself when I even find the time to write] which is why and how I started this blog. Anyway, I have often found myself daydreaming of my next big title, new story, how I will word it, the content of it, the ultimate meaning behind it etc....Until I get that interruption and it all fades away to the back of my mind.

About 10 years ago I started to write a book I titled "The Perfect Man". Years have past and with age and life the meaning has changed dramatically and now this story in my mind is probably much better than the original content. However, this story is still in my mind.

When I actually had time to sit and write a bit and I had just purchased my first computer [which would now be a dinosaur and is long gone] I was also a single mom working as a waitress and in college. I would never announce to strangers my goal of writing this book. Especially not one of the people who would walk into the restaurant that I was serving at the time. Especially not an elderly woman who was sitting alone enjoying an "early bird special". So, I served this woman exactly how I would anyone else, when at the end of her meal she handed me her bill with her money to pay for her inexpensive dinner and told me to "keep the change and read the note". I opened it and inside was about a $10.00 tip [Which was actually a lot, considering her meal was only about 8-10 dollars] and a note on a piece of the ripped paper placement. The note read "I was a waitress once in a park hotel I could take it 2 weeks. Just your experiences would be good material and we need writers about decent things. sp. children. Ann Halpin" Her address and phone number were also listed. I have this note now stained and dirty in a frame in my home.

I do not know who this woman was, I never saw her again...Maybe I should look her up. Maybe it's just cool to have that question in my mind. Maybe something in life will lead me back to her in some way. Maybe that in itself could be another story. Maybe?  I actually kept a vigilant eye out for her for years in the restaurant.

Over the years I have re-read this note probably a million times. It often serves as inspiration when I feel like I can't do things. This note may or may not have been my clue to the path I should be on. However, I never called or looked her up.

I went on to finish my undergraduate degree, and my MSW. I currently have a job that for the most part I really enjoy, I work with children and I love what I do. But I am still feeling like I need to do something with this note.

I have thought about continuing a series of stories on this blog, almost like a television show, and working in my thoughts on my book [which will prob. have a different title]. Anyway, basically my point here is that my fears have gotten the best of me. My own self-doubt has made me wonder if I could even accomplish writing. And again, a clue, a message to myself from myself appeared [maybe Oprah was really on to something with that show and maybe it was a message that I was even watching].

I entered an essay contest a few weeks ago [and much to my dismay I won't know anything about it uuntil January, I HATE WAITING!!!] As I was writing I changed my topic several times, and ultimately it came to me the topic was when I first discovered the meaning of true love. And if I win you will be able to read the full article and if I don't I will post my essay on here so I can complain about not winning. Anyway, I discovered while writing, that I have done some amazing things in my life and overcome some really difficult obstacles. I have achieved things I never ever ever [and know my friends have to agree here] EVER thought possible. Which leads me back to [ curse, curse, curse, Why don't I just try writing]!

Sometimes we are own worst enemies...Self-doubt! I think what I am going to try to do is write a bit of this book each week [along with my other ramblings] and move on from there. So, the point to all of this is keep looking at what you have done, and you can probably do a million times more. Dreams keep us moving forward. Motivation comes in many different forms! I am just saying...

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