Friday, September 30, 2011

Did you ever notice when you first try a new food that you really like a lot, or buy a new pair of jeans that fit just perfectly, or watch a new television show and LOVE it, or go to a restaurant for the first time and love the music the atmosphere and the whole experience, it feels so great that you want to eat, wear, watch, and go there again and again? Now, how about that completely amazing, butterflies in your stomach, can't eat, heart racing, 2 hour prep. time first date? Remember how it made you want to do it again and again[I mean go on the date again and again , not IT again and again, however, that maybe the case for a first date But NOT for me of course!!!] Or the first time you knew for sure that the crazy emotions you were feeling for someone were mutual and weren't just a freaky crush on someone who didn't like you at all? Remember the excitement that brought? I once heard someone who was an addictions counselor describe how addicts become addicted to their drug of choice as a  search for that "amazing first time high" that never happens again. But does that mean that we can never, ever, relive that first time great moment with something we love? If that is the case, MY GOD, how SAD!!

On the other hand did you ever notice that the more you indulge or participate in something it eventually doesn't seem as rewarding? Maybe moderation is the key to happiness? Maybe often we are enjoying things a lot, we just don't realize it because we are so busy with other things. Or, maybe things just look different after being around them or in them or eating them often that we forget the excitement and happiness they bring.

All this came to me while I was making my bed yesterday. I purchased my comforter set in the spring and LOVED it, when I looked at it yesterday I HATED it. It made me wonder how could I possibly love this thing so much at one point in my life. What happened? My perception of it changed so much that I am now on a quest to find a perfect-warm-fall/winter set. [ Really that's how much I was sick of looking at it. Maybe I just like to shop and that is a good excuse at any rate that thing will be gone and soon] Anyway, when and how does this happen? I have seen it time and again with marriages, with relationships, jobs, cars, etc...I know it's normal and it can't just be me, well I think so anyway. Which leads me to the next question, why has it never happened with my mom, siblings, best friends and children?

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!! ALWAYS!!! BFF's! I can't imagine my life without them. I have no idea how anyone could survive without their go to gals, their peeps that accept them just as they are, the ones who you could tell anything too and they still love you just as you are. Not even your parents give this kind of unconditional acceptance [well this is what I have been given as a gift in life, the most unbelievable girls/women in the world].  We have been friends since the age of 5 and up. We have been through marriages, divorces, relationships good and bad, loss of loved ones, welcoming new life with the births of our children, career changes, fights with parents and siblings, parties, celebrations, christenings, and LIFE in all it's forms....We can go months or more and not see each other and pick up exactly where we left off. These girls, women, mothers, partners, best friends, are one of the things in my life where change is a constant - that I count on to remain the same. My perception of them does not change, and I love them all dearly...My life would never be the same without any of them. And words can't express my gratitude, admiration, joy, and appreciation I have for each of them [I love you guys!!! You are wonderful to me and my family, and I thank you for accepting me as a friend].

So my perception of them has not changed, my perception of my children also does not change. Everyone knows how I feel about my boys so I don't even need to express my emotions about them because I would not do justice. They make me crazy, try my patience to the limits, make me cry both tears of joy and sadness but I can't ever imagine how I could survive without either of them in my world. They are so different yet one thing they have in common is that I love them. 

Two divorces, well enough said about my perceptions there...

Family, well family is family. I feel we are better as adults than we were as children [my siblings and I that is]. My mother has given us the gift of being kind to each other, and too help and support each other, we faced many challenges as children and we are a resilient bunch. We are unconditional and far from the norm but we always have each other's back and for that I am always grateful.[Thanks Mom for making us resilient and giving us an unconditional upbringing and teaching us life lessons that only you could have taught. Thanks Sandy and Chuck for being there, being you, being the best siblings a person could have! Love you guys always and forever].

Now, I sit here writing, wondering how to put my thoughts into words and I guess it's simple. We have the power to find the good in even what appears to be the ugliest of things, we have the power to find in ourselves the "feel good" moment that we once experienced with something and use it. Maybe we can never relive that first time "great" moment, but things can still feel good. Maybe there is something comforting in familiarity. Maybe if we search for those things that can only provide us with the wonderful first time rush we waste other emotions that can be just as exciting and rewarding. And maybe we need to search for new and exciting things to a point, so that we always have something to work towards, but finding the good in daily things can be just as rewarding. Perspectives!!! They sure are a funny thing. I am just saying...

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