The Name Game

Lockman, Crawford, Smith ??? These are last names I have used to date in my life. Yeah, 3 lasts names. As a man you are lucky to be born with the name you will have for the rest of your life, even if you marry 20X's you keep your name. [so unfair!]

My maiden name is Lockman. I actually hated this name growing up. I wanted my mother's maiden name which she eventually used after a divorce. The name isn't bad. It's strong, it's professional, it's easy to spell and pronounce, it's not very common in my "neck of the woods" and so it probably wouldn't have been such a bad name to have carried throughout my life.

In 1993 I graduated from high school, that same year in October I married thing 1. His last name was Crawford. Thing 1 was in the Navy and we prob. wouldn't have married if he wasn't stationed in California. He is and was a great person who at the age of 18 provided many things for me and our son who was born in June of the following year. I finally had a name I LOVED!!! Catherine Crawford, it sounded like a "movie star" [so I thought. I loved that name!!] I had a very difficult time changing it, not because I had an attachment to thing 1 [ who was friend throughout school, and he and his new family and I remain friends. He is a good father and a good person. We were way too young!] because I LOVED THAT NAME, when thing 2 came along and after years of dating we married in 2004. My name became Catherine Smith. At first I tried to hyphen it, I even held onto Crawford on some forms of ID. Finally, after thing 2 and I divorced and three years later I finally become legal on every document, my official name is Cathy Smith. Plain Jane, ordinary, one of the most common first and last names. BUT, I now have accepted it. My name is Cathy Smith. While it is ordinary, and I may look ordinary I am not. And my name is OK. I accept it.

Problem here, son 1 is Crawford. Son 2 is Smith. Engaged again will = another NAME....I can't do it again. I just can't play this name game. Is it wrong to own a name just for me that I won't have to change? Is it wrong that I feel like Smith is now MY name, without affiliation to thing 2. Why do I have to change my name? Why would I have to hold a different last name than both of my children who are boys and will keep their names forever? See, it's really just not fair! [leaving me feeling, Fit To Be Tied]

Is a name really that important. My fiance is understanding and liberal and flexible and has said time and time again that he does not care if I take his name, but what about documents and other important information that we will hold together, two different names?

See my issue with this name thing. Now I know that in normal circumstances, people marry once the woman changes her name and all is well until they die. But not with me. I really never have done things in order. So why start now right?

When the day comes that I marry again, I will have made a firm decision and not sure what it will be at this point. But I guess whatever I decide, I know I am who I am, that will not change. My family and friends will always know me as Cathy. And I guess that's who I am. It's important to take a stand on many things in life and keep true to ourselves, regardless of our last names. Should we feel we have to change as women, should we accept societal norms or make our own rules? Should we confirm or change? All still up in the air. Regardless, be true to yourself, as I try to do. Question yourself, but don't let others question who you are. Be you and your name is just a name. I am just saying...

Sincerely Yours,

Just Cathy